Friday, 18 April 2014

Go put India in safe hands; Yours!




Yarron, doston, friendon,

Here's me, your friendly DESEEMORON, the village idiot, once again with a thought which may not be irrelevant at present times. For once, even I might be making sense! Don't you think...?

Go put India in safe hands;
                                                                    Yours!                                                   

 India is at the threshold of a historic change. Within two days a journey would commence, which might change its destiny for a long time to come.

You guessed it right!

It is the Parliamentary Elections 2014, which kick off from Monday the 7th April. From that day till a month after, an ordinary Indian will take a step to accomplish the most extra-ordinary task of his life. Contribute to forming the new Government for world’s largest democracy, India. Irrespective of cast, creed, gender, religion, education, financial status, social or cultural belief, an adult citizen of this great country would exercise a right which he secured after a long struggle put up by his forefathers in the face of one of the fiercest and longest battles for freedom from a foreign ruler, anywhere in the world.

And, sixty six years ago, when this battle was won, it was not only the independence that was obtained from an outside regime; a solemn right was restored for every Indian to determine for himself as to who should govern him from then after. It was a tryst with destiny. A promise to secure for the peoples of this great civilisation, a position of high glory among the comity of nations!

Once again, the time has come to redeem that pledge. The time for one to exercise the right to form the Administration at the centre that will govern the entire India.

And that ‘one’; that important person, is YOU.

Because, as a result of this election, even more than several parliamentary elections before, the new Government will not only have to provide food, shelter and clothing to each one of its more than a billion people and meet their basic necessities such as medical help, education, water, electricity, security and employment, it will have to do more.

It will have to take India on a much higher trajectory of growth and development to meet the aspirations of the largest population of young citizens anywhere in the world. It will have to secure for them a position of eminence among the peoples of the most highly developed countries on the globe. Besides, it will have to ascertain for them a much larger freedom for all times to come. The freedom from fear, disease and hunger.

Remember also, that if India has to move on a fast track of development, it has to be freed from galloping inflation, corruption, inertia in decision making, stagnation in production, disinformation and prejudices alongside motivating each citizen to do his/her best towards nation building. All this calls for a very high order of dedication, honesty and integrity on the part of each person who will participate in the process of forming the next government. A heavy responsibility indeed.

Now, if you are that ‘important person’ to determine all this, who can you trust the most for taking the right step? Naturally, YOU.

So, the date of polling has come. Pick up your voter ID card, go to the polling booth and cast your precious vote for the right candidate.

Till the next time,
DESEEMORON.   
  

Friday, 14 February 2014

EVER A SUCKER...!, I always was, always will be...

There was this man in the mid-twentieth century, always dressed like a general, spoke German in a guttural voice; passionately, dramatically and with all the fiery elements of rabble rousing.
Hugely inspired, I rose up, took cudgels to pick the enemy from within. My neighbour, mate at the work place, colleague in the college, fellow member in a cultural group, member of my sports club, any...
A mass fury took over, I became part of it...
Then; annihilation under a well designed, well oiled pogrom...Cleansing...

Many years later...

More men like him stood up on the podiums at various places. Same fiery speeches, same angrily waving of  hands at the enemies within, xenophobic invocations, spewing of poison in the name of God at those whose God was different...I, again a willing pupil, a charged follower flashing his sword to avenge imagined wrong.  And then blood, ruthless massacres, brutalisation of the weak, crippled and the old, forced eviction of masses from their homes; madness, dance of the satan, cross migration of hundreds of thousands in train loads from one region to another; division, hatred and distrust for million years to come. More brutalisation, more rapes, more merciless killings...

Many decades later, almost at the turn of the century...

They came again; in various robes, sacred embalming of foreheads and array of beads in hands and around the necks. Thunderous speeches to excavate the injustices buried centuries ago, revolutionary tales, messianic oaths to reclaim the lost honour. Air thick with pledge for revenge and retribution. A collective of the saintly and the wise on a missionary insanity. A structure felled, a place of worship downed to dust, amid corporate glee, invocation of hymns and chant of glory to God; a rudderless and despairing God. I rejoiced, celebrated the victory long overdue; a victory as vacuous as it was meaningless and as worthless as it was treacherous...

Yet I was not done...

I had to avenge a questionable arson...It was not just a train that was targeted, it was an onslaught on a faith, an heritage, a superior culture revered by the vast multitude of the tolerant 'majority'; an act of spitting on its sagacious spirituality. A bogey was raised to avenge the blood in the bogies that burnt...One madness to outdo another madness. But I rejoiced being part of it, especially because I saw the blood melting in the eyes of a general like man on the horizon, who was supposed to control the mayhem on the ground littered with death and destruction. And control he did, with a smirk on his bearded face and a nod which was not sly and surreptitious enough to hide the puritanic sense of justice harboured within, as he lead on the self-righteous avengers for settling scores. I was one of them. I plundered, burnt houses, doused humans with petrol to lighten the darkness with moving, crying, shrieking man-flames. I cleansed...

He is coming again, like many others like him to enlighten me to the needs of the time. But I have changed. I am less concerned about the subliminal issues of honour and rectitude. Instead, I am now more earthen, self focused and aspirational. Community still matters to me, but I matter more. He has also changed, having recognized the change in me and the multitude of others. Still the same thundering voice and panther like gait, as he, like a sentinel, strides across the rostrums or sits at the corner tea shops, beckoning me to join in his agenda for development by rooting out the old, rotting and the corrupt disorder that there is, as it was once in Germany, in Italy, in Russia, in Latin America and many more nations of many more continents.

And now, here I am, not beholden to him, but he still has a hold over me. I am no longer an impressionable weakling who will easily come under his spell, but he knows about my unapologetic affair with myself; my focused self-centredness. And, he is offering the earth, the moon and the stars; all in a professed potion for growth and progress, the words that are now music to my ears, just as he did a century ago in another part of the world, and then another, and another...to millions of others. Why these doubts in me on this historic moment of great change, when I can witness for myself a great homogeneity among the huge masses congregating around him, with even his face masked on top of their own...him, him, him all over?

Yes, yes...it just occurred to me. I think it is the mask that I fear...His face a mask on his own, as well as on the faces of many, many, many more...all like him...boisterous, loud, dismissive, divisive, self righteous and un-ashamedly self opinionated. What if tomorrow, I don't concur with him? Will I not get that abusive call on my cell or a midnight knock on my door or the state engineered stalking of me in the name of my security?

The problem is inside me. I have changed much more than I had bargained for. I see parallex error in the 'vision' I am told about. I see Malegaon, I see Samjhauta Express, I see Muzzaffarnagar, when I should see only Ahmadabad, its malls, wide roads, thriving businesses and likewise...

I am yours, as ever a Deseemoron, an underling, but, but...I have now begun asking questions too...       

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Golden Gospel Gone Gobur...!

Hi folks here is your dear(?) old(?) Deseemoron once again with another one of his RSN.

I am sure, you would wonder as to what do I mean by "Golden Gospel"...?

Well, I am talking about the oft. repeated and much flaunted about wisdom that the gold is the safest and the most profitable investment. Such has been the madness about this age-old dictum that till only a few weeks ago, everybody was making a beeline to the gold souks or jewelery shops to horde whatever was possible of the yellow metal; if not in kilos, if not in grams, at least in ounces. Such was the frenzy as if the poor earth was going to spin off the orbit and the only conceivable consolation or shall I say panacea to escape the catastrophe...? Gold, gold and more gold! Media - especially electronic media too played full part in it by way of harvesting gold (profits) for itself through the shameless volley of ads, commercials etc. Consequently and inevitably the prices (why do I say prices...? Why not punishments?) went through the roof (or shall I say 'punishments' came hurtling down from the roof?).

"The punishment...?" "Yes sir, the punishment...!"
"What do you (I mean I) mean," you would say! "Right?"
"Yes, yes right..." You'd say.
Okay, let me explain. But for that can I first ask you Sir, as to whose good you were concerned about when you were going on the gold buying binge as if there wasn't going to be any tomorrow?
"Of course India", you would say. "I live in India, if I buy gold abroad it still comes to India, makes India richer. Likewise if I buy gold within India, it aids economic activity in India, boosts growth. Both ways it helps India, my India..." you will perhaps boast.

"Wrong, completely wrong on both counts..." I would say and would further argue that "Sir, you are simply been selfish, utterly selfish...Even a DESHDROHI - a betrayer of the nation, if I may say so!"
"How do I mean..?" Astounded, you'll demand in absolute shock.
Well let me explain in an ordinary man's terms.

1). Firstly, when you start hording gold through buying it in foreign markets, you are sponging on India's precious foreign exchange thereby depleting our foreign reserves and helping boost those of the foreign countries consequently putting pressure on our currency as is evident by consistently falling parity of the rupee.

2). Secondly, when you indiscriminately go on a buying binge, you create a frenzy for acquiring gold. As a result, not only the price goes unduly high, it robs the Indian industry of its rightful share of the investment. Because if your money or at least a part of it had gone into buying the shares of a company at the stock market or even directly invested in some venture, it would have boosted its production by way of modernising the plant and machinery, offering more jobs and consequently also generating more revenues for the government by way of income tax etc. which could have been used for welfare schemes; education, health, public transport etc. But by hoarding gold you helped only yourself, by either creating a false sense of security for your future or boosting a delusional sense of power or self-esteem, because it either sat as mere yellow bricks in your safe or glittering jewelery around your kin's neck, with no role in providing bread, clothing or roof for anybody.

3) But thirdly and most importantly, what you have certainly done by your indiscriminate gold hoarding is that you have inadvertently harmed the India growth story. Because (a) it sent Indian industry hurtling down towards sickness, thereby not only robbing people of jobs and security but (b) also unleashing a negative sentiment towards our economy  thereby making India less attractive even for foreign investor who would have created jobs for our people and revenue for our government.

But folks, as they say, the madness leads you to only one place; the mad house. Because then just as suddenly came the fall, the dizzying crash. The gold madness imploded on itself. And I would say rightly so. The so called nation lovers, the selfish predators suffered hugely but India was brought back from the precipice. But most importantly, in this instance of the "Golden Gospel Gone Gobur...!" we the middle, muddled class also have perhaps learned a valuable lesson that "our interest may or may not be India's interest, but India's interest most certainly is and shall be, our interest..."   

Amen!

Yours as ever,

Deseemoron.

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

On the First Day of the NEW YEAR few things to ponder upon!



Hi All,

Here are some RSNs (road side nuggets) from who else, your Deseemoron; the village idiot...

* If a woman - young and voluptuous one in particular, moves about public-ally in revealing outfit - plunging bra; hipster saree or jeans; naval displaying & back baring mini-mini blouse or some such, she is not being provocative at all. Besides being completely within her rights to do so, if anything she is merely and of course innocently presenting nature's artistic creativity.

* Even if her assets are seemingly everywhere, men have no business to let their eyes stray over them, much less freezing into the current from them.

* Most men - nearly 99% of all menfolk, are civilised; they don't even look at them or realise that they can emit pelvic-bursting electricity under some situations; being civility driven they either look above them, under them, aside of them or even through them but never at them. That is rude, uncivil, offensive and mammal centric. Mammal centric? It's getting to me, you see.

* It's only about 1% men who are breasts-fixated about women. They are primal, primitive, archaic, crude, lecherous, dangerous, animalistic and..and..and. They should be flogged in public and hanged to death summarily.

* Likewise for the legs; what's such a big thing about them being exposed? They are the columns of female strength, not pillars of permissiveness as some of the regressive male chauvinists misrepresent. Hence if a gown with side slits or a mini-mini-mini skirt reveals them in their almost entire glory or sometimes even offers pubically, an accidental peek-a-boo, specially in a cross-legged sitting position, how does it matter? You should look through them with a clean eye but never with a dirty mind.

* And who says that the item numbers in the popular Bollywood films have anything to do with arousing the primal stirrings among the impressionable ones of the audience. How dare these small minds call such hugely popular pieces of creativity like, "Munni badnaam hui Darling tere liye...", "Seene se chipkale Saiyaan Fevicole se...", "Chiknee Chameli..." or the hero beckoning, "Jumma, chumma de de..." obscene or vulgar? Likewise, if a hero grabs a heroine's arm in public despite her apparent rejection of him or touches her all over despite her expressing her disapproval, under the propagation that 'every girl declines before falling in love', how awful of you to think that it is anything but art and emotion? AND,AND, AND..., if a road side Romeo thinks he can do the same thing in real life, he should be flogged or stoned or may be even hanged because it is essential to change the law to make 'eve teasing' also equivalent to 'rape'. After-all, there is a difference between 'real life' and 'reel life'!...

 But Sir, the question is how do you explain this to that idiot small town fellow who thinks of you as his God and worships your statue in 'REAL' life?

Have a happy NEW YEAR.

As ever the village idiot,

Deseemoron.          

Sunday, 8 January 2012

I thought you were doing the programme for me; Mr. TV News Anchor!

Sir, I may be a Deseemoron, but must you take me to be such a nonentity that you forget it altogether that in fact you are doing the programme for me? I mean not me literally but multitude of ordinary viewers all over India and even abroad.

My grouse is about your unfailing tendency to butt in and disturb the chain of thought of a participant who may be putting his point across at a particular time on a particular topic on your discussion programme. Now, you may truly be very intelligent to figure out mid-way his sentence as to what he may be wanting to say. But don't you think that I, in fact many of us, for whom the programme is actually intended may want to hear his point fully to understand the real import of his argument? I wish you could see me just as I (and I'm sure I am not alone) watch you doing the programme and you'd have witnessed as to how frustrated I become. Sometimes I even plead aloud with folded hands, "don't...please don't...", when you begin to interject or disturb the chain of thought of a (any) particular participant of yours whom I may be listening to with rapt attention. But you are so smug that you'll never care to know, how your viewers feel.

the question is, why you do it? I think the reasons are somewhat mixed:

Firstly, I feel you really love your own voice very much and if it does not resonate - even if only a word or two of interposition - every three or four seconds in your ear, you begin to feel insecure or irrelevant.

Secondly, I think you have little respect for your audience; you think most of them are morons (of-course this deseemoron for sure) anyway and primarily they have to be dished out a 'particular point of view' and sure enough it has to be the most intelligent point of view. Yours.

Thirdly, you've been greatly inspired from Bollywood and are hugely taken in by its sense of grandeur and melodrama. Thus you feel bounden to present your programme with the splendour of a court room trial. The tenor and tone of your own words could match the speech of any Shakesperean character. Truth may matter less, performance must matter more. You get afflicted by the all encompassing magnificence of your own persona in your own mind.

Fourthly and very importantly, you love to play God. You often pronounce what particular turn a situation 'might' take mostly based on the speculation of your participants and in the event that even a tiny part of it might accidentally come true, you boastfully and repeatedly begin to claim proprietorship on that, claiming; "as first reported on....T...NOW or T...THEN or H TODAY or NN & BN..." But if it doesn't come true...? Well...well...well.

Fifthly, sure enough you do indulge in a subtle act of 'playing favourites', though at times you fail to disguise your indulgence. This in my view is akin to putting your hand in the till, because fundamentally your loyalty has to be to me the viewer and not to your own ideologies or beliefs. Trust me, much as you might think otherwise, most of them are not unintelligent.

Sixthly and most dangerously, please, please, please; keep away from pre-inquisitioning, because that's what many times you deliberately or inadvertently appear to do. Please respect and give value to the maxim, "one is innocent till proven guilty"; and the job of doing so is not yours but of that of a court. In a discussion programme on TV, one expects a dispassionate analysis of  issues and beliefs; not interrogation, prosecution and judgmental pontification. So, please watch it.

Fianally SIR, I urge upon you to be what you are truly supposed to be; an impartial, unimposing and unobtrusive facilitator. A true-blue anchor; nothing less, nothing more. And sir, if because of your impressive pair of glasses and of course equally impressive baritone voice, you think that this piece was intended only for you; please rest assured it's not so. It is for all of you whom we have entrusted with the sanctity of a discussion programme on national TV.

Unassumingly yours,

Deseemoron























 


Wednesday, 14 December 2011

You're lucky Anna ji; my dream did not come true!

It was a strange dream in the very early hours of  last Sunday. I saw that a deseemoron - not me, some other (yes, yes; why there can't be more than one village idiot?), had somehow made his way into Anna ji's rally at the Jantar Mantar, organised as a token one day fast on account of the much touted Jan Lokpal Bill. Perhaps it was his gear and the demeanour of that of a simpleton, that disarmed them (Team Anna) completely and they allowed him to speak also, amongst many celebrities from various political parties, besides themselves.

And spoke, he did. First of all he reminded everybody, that since the gathering was in fact on account of Anna ji's Satyagrah - insistence for truth, for bringing probity and honesty in public life in order to eradicate corruption which was devouring us all, it was vital to speak the truth and examine everything at the altar of truth and honesty. Following are some of the bits of Deseemoron spake:

"On the altar of Truth, Anna ji, I have grave issues directly with you sir. First of all, I want to take you to a crucial portion of your speech at Raj Ghat last June. Referring to the Delhi Police action on Baba Ramdev's followers on Saturday night some days ago, you lambasted the Government in full view of the world media that it was an attack similar to that of the British on the Indians at the Jalianwala Bagh during the days of Independence Struggle. I think it was a highly provocative and dishonest statement by an irresponsible if not an outright perverse mind. Can I ask you Anna ji, what would have happened if in such highly charged circumstances some miscreants had played a mischief by smuggling in and placing among the sleeping people an explosive devise? Would not there have been a far bigger tragedy on account of the stampede it would have created, especially when there were far too many people in excess of the authorised numbers? Whom would have you blamed then...? Government..! Right..? And yes, was it not fathomable that the Govt. could have had an advance knowledge of some such possibility?

I think sir, for a person of your stature, speaking without a sense of responsibility and that too not quite truthfully, particularly when you pretty well knew that by and large you were addressing rather impressionable minds, is dishonesty and being dishonest is itself being corrupt. But you wont even apologise for your callous and calumnious statement because you had spoken designedly and you had your desired result. You love to give your mission the status of the 2nd battle of independence, but in your vain sense of self-righteousness you forget that the great soul who authored the original Battle Of Independence openly decried untruth and insisted that no one should forsake truth even if the freedom is delayed. Yes sir, I am talking about the real Mahatma; Gandhi ji.

Also Anna ji, how dangerously dishonest and manipulative can you get? With no substantial evidence of any kind, you had the gumption of making an entirely speculative and mischevious comment about Rahul Gandhi for having engineered the reversal of consensus on some points by the members of the Standing Committee. Your argument, 'well, he had proposed the constitutional status for the Lokpal and they have all accepted that, hence by inference he may have ordered the reversal on points of consensus too'. How ingenuous and how malicious, for a man who doesn't tire of boasting about his honesty and simplicity. This is when there were so many highly voluble opposition members who would have vociferously torn into Rahul Gandhi, if there was any such attempt by him. But no sir, the mask is off; you were acting on a well designed agenda. You were targeting Congress with plainly a political objective and yet you claim to be apolitical.

Not only this; your true 'smallness of mind' and shameless vanity became evident when on being questioned about Mr. Sharad Pawar having been slapped; your off hand comment right into the lens of a TV camera was 'sirf ek thappad (he got only one slap)'. Look at the brazen arrogance of a man, that is you Anna ji.

But there is more. You don't tire of preaching non-violence to your followers in any of your missions. Yet, you exhort your followers to tie up and hang by the trees, the fellows who take alcohol, before giving them a good flogging in public. Where is your sense of honesty; your sense of fair justice? But I forget, you don't really believe in the Acts of Parliament anyway.

And look at the impunity with which you use the half truths for your devious political designs! You and your 'Anna Team' would proclaim on public television that the Standing Committee (which in your constricted thinking is Govt. itself), has 'decided' to keep the C.B.I. out of Lokpal's purview or the Prime Minister out of Lokpal's purview or group 'c' govt. employees out of Lokpal's purview or any such, without telling the full truth. Because the other part and the 'most significant part' of the truth is that their have been dissenting notes and the matter is yet to be studied by the cabinet for suitable amendments and presentation to the full Parliament for its consideration after proper discussion. You jolly well know that half truths at most of the times are nothing but lies. Malicious lies with  perverse objectives.

Shall I go on further, for surely Anna ji there's more; a lot more? You are fooling nobody, unless you are being used by people around you, whom I strongly suspect are far more dangerous than what we've seen. Thanks Anna ji."

Luckily Anna ji, at this point I woke up with a start, just as I saw a battery of people charging at the poor deseemoron; yes another one like me. A village idiot!

Bye Anna ji.     





         










Sunday, 23 October 2011

BEKAA-AAR KEE CREATIVITY; if not outright repugnant, naively offensive......


My apologies at the outset to the great masters of creativity in Indian advertising. What I'm referring to is some of the TV commercials which have been raiding the idiot (here I go again) box lately, which, if I may be boastful a little, make even me, a deseemoron - a village idiot, feel a trifle superior. Sample this:-

The immaculately dressed young man dashes towards the lift and enters it in time to the closing of doors. He settles himself by the back wall of the cabin, amid many occupants, all suitably impressive looking. He coolly withdraws his cell phone and flicks it open. Now with confidence and an air of superiority writ large on his face, he instructs his driver, in a voice loud enough for everybody to hear, "driver, CAAAAR leke aao". And sure enough, everybody looks up to him admiringly. Now we cut to a car, which seemingly is really loooong, pulling in in a portico. And now a voice over proclaiming that they give extra length in their super luxury CAAAAR.

Hey, hey, folks; what's it?

Do you really think a sophisticated man, who apparently has already 'arrived', will behave so outrageously; in such a 'show off' manner? Only the nouveau-riche behave like this. The 'real affluent' person will behave subtly; for one he'll discreetly mumble his instruction to his driver in the cell phone, so that the others don't hear and secondly, he'll never and never, broadcast his instruction so offensively loudly in a public place, about summoning his CAAAAR.  And Mr. Advertiser, have you done any survey as to how many people remember the brand of the car you are promoting after this awful commercial, especially amongst your target audience, the sophisticated ones with high net worth, who ordinarily have refined sensibilities.

But this is not all:

This small swish car arrives in front of a modern high rise residential block, at night. The 'lover boy' bloke, apparently the boy friend, gazes into the eyes of the female driver - a truly sensuous woman, with a deep, dreamy and soulful look - with she reciprocating in suitable measure, before getting down, crossing the lobby and boarding the lift which promptly goes up. Now also promptly, she presses the lever next to the dash board and lo and behold, the boot opens up to reveal another generous sized boy jumping out and swiftly taking the seat where the earlier gentleman was seated. Now their faces beaming with 'sheer delight', they drive off.

Did you get the message? 

Whether one got the message about the spaciousness of the boot of the car or not, one message I certainly got. That in addition to being utterly distasteful, how demeaning you can get to a 'modern' woman; and then you perhaps expect her to buy your car. And which car I pray, because once again, at least I did not get the make of the car because of your stupidly offensive stance, Mr creative genius.

And talking about being offensive; this one takes the cake:

This former Indian superstar (but why am I being so coy about it?), okay okay Mr. Anil Kapoor is addressing me, I mean the average viewer in a reflective mood. He tells me that when he decided to become an actor, his father told him plainly that he wont be able to extend him any help, but then he offered him this extremely pricy and exclusive pen saying, "This is what I can give you".

Then Mr. Anil Kapoor goes on to say, "then one day Sonam (his daughter) told me..." 

Cut to, Sonam entering the room and saying trifle meekishly:

"Dad, I have decided to become an actor."
Cut to, a long searching look on Mr. Kapoor's face in close up. Then, even a tighter close up of Sonam followed by his face, with him saying:
"Okay, don't expect anything from me..." 

A shocked face of Sonam. No words.
"But, I can offer you this," and he extends the same pricy, pedigree pen to her, which she enthusiastically takes with her eyes smiling full on. And then, then we are told that the rest is history.

But what is this God dammit? Even you Mr. Kapoor with a Hollywood twang to your accent, did not object to this atrocious, demeaning, condescending and offensive commercial towards many a great souls of India who could not even afford a new book and who acquired education under a street lamp after slogging all day as a child worker to achieve unbelievable level of high distinction in life.

No chance now for an Abdul Kalam to become a great scientist and the President of the Republic of India! Well, at least the advertiser and the creative team who conceived this foolish ad seem to think so.

Shall I go on sirs...?   


 





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