Thursday, 18 August 2011

All corruption is due to me; but Anna ji wont even talk to me!

Anna ji, I've been all around you all the time, but you never noticed me; much less talking to me. And I challenge you that you can not rid this country of any corruption, unless you address me first.

Who am I and what do I do? Well, let's take 'what do I do' first; a casual reckoning of my colourful  and smart acts to help me and my folks. Here we go:-

(1) I try to under-declare or not declare at all, the 'beyond the limit' valuables I bring with me from my visits abroad, to escape the duties or pay as little as possible, if forced to. And in this enterprise I don't hesitate to grease a palm or two among the custom officials, if need be. Of course sometimes, someone of my ilk also gets caught in the act, rather awkwardly, like this female actor colleague of mine who was all over the media for her mis-adventure. But Anna ji people should appreciate that her heart is at the right place; she supports your cause wholeheartedly. Doesn't she?

(2) I may be a big film star, a distinguished doctor, a top lawyer, a Chandni Chowk trader, a media personality or some such, tell me Anna ji, am I not entitled to save a few extra pennies for my fun and frolic or even my old age? And by the way, how do I do it unless I take a good part of my remuneration in  unaccounted 'cash'? And how does it matter if I persuade the I.T.O. concerned to not come up with too many queries about this matter by just making his palms a little extra slippery. The essential point is, do I not support your cause in public, on network television channels; and do I not cry hoarse with you for bringing back all the 'black' money stashed in Swiss banks?

(3) I strongly believe in 'good' education, hence I consider it perfectly justifiable to secure 'leaked' question papers from the 'resourceful' middle men, these moralists so much frown upon. After all how are you going to expand the numbers of the 'educated' masses for our expanding economy?

Okay, let me enumerate in brief, some more of my enterprising attributes:

(4) Being a firm believer of 'free' enterprise, I gladly though surreptitiously extend my house or business structure by annexing unauthorized areas, if the opportunity arrises. And if I get caught, you know what I do...Right!

(5) I under declare my assets to try and save on 'stamp duties' or inter-state tolls or levies on the mobility of my commodities where ever I can.

(6) I try and jump the queue for college admissions, for house allotments, for obtaining quotas of every kind and frankly even for paying obeisance to Gods at the religious places. And yes; you guessed it right. A little bit of grease and hands can really do wonders in displaying efficiency.

Truly Anna ji, there are so many layers, so many shades, so many complexions to my face that you would almost give up.

Now the first question Anna ji! Who am I?    

I am called, an "INDIAN' Anna ji. To me I come first and I come last Anna ji. Unless you drive 'I' out of me and inject a bit of an elixir called 'CHARACTER' in me, I am afraid you are going to fail miserably Anna ji. In fact, I'm sure you are going to fall on your face Anna ji, because not once have I noticed you or your Lieutenants addressing me Anna ji. I think you are not even interested. You are mesmerized by your own self obsession of bringing in the "2nd. battle of Independence"; of being the GANDHI that you are not. The saddest part is that you don't even know that you are a prisoner already. I think, as I said in my earlier anguished expression, the flash bulbs and the TV cameras have gotten to you a little too much.

Yes sir; I'm also the ever bumbling DESEEMORON. 

Saturday, 13 August 2011

Television Gandhy; who'd be the king?

It'd be the Independence Day in just about 24 hours; hence perhaps a deseemoron, yes,yes a village idiot like me can also have the aazadi (freedom) to say something on the 'aazadi' related matter. Of course some questions too, which rankle the mind; even a less developed mind such as mine.

Sirs maaf karen, is it true that the Govt. troops had massacred hundreds of sleeping people in a mid-night firing like the English had done in Jalianwala Baag, in a broad day light annihilation?Yes sir ji; I'm talking about the midnight raid a little over a couple of months ago on Swami Ramdev's followers at Ramlila maidan in Delhi. If it's not true, then sirs please tell me, whether claiming such a thing in full glare of several network television channels, even as a figure of speech, though no such suggestion was in place, is a blatantly irresponsible and dangerously provocative lie or not? And who made this claim? Much revered Anna Hazare ji, who is proclaimed as the new Gandhy by one and all, especially the media. And where was this claim made? In a public speech, at a highly sacred public place RAJ GHAT established in the memory of the Great Saint, the original Gandhy who shunned lies and violence all his life.

One of the issues, the honourable members of the "Civil Society" have been talking about is about the black money. Is it not amusing sirs, that at least some of the celebrities gracing the stage alongside Anna ji, are known to have themselves been taking a considerable amount of black money, as part of the payment for their services in their individual professions?

Not just this sirs, can the thousands of senior or junior 'babus', civic and police officials, even some jurists, educationists and NGO functionaries who are part of Anna ji's team or are supporting him and are going to join in the fast with him; cross their hearts and swear that they have never taken small or big bribes or unjustified gratification of 'another' kind for circumventing the regulations 'just a little' for an out of turn or undeserving favour seeker? Likewise, will all the thousands of traders, small and big businessmen, high income professionals and artistes supporting him, cross their hearts and swear on God that they have never ever tried to hide or understate their income to Income Tax authorities or tried to save taxes or duties or levies by under declaring the value of the goods or commodities they have acquired?

Another thing that completely foxes me sirs is, that Anna ji and his 'celebrity' team seem to be totally unbothered about the 'small picture' because in reality small picture is the actual 'big picture'. And that picture concerns the small man; the lower and the lower middle to middle middle class man, who suffers the most on account of day to day corruption. Everybody knows that the corruption is rampant in the lower bureaucracy, which affects the common man by not only robbing him of good part of his hard earned income but also of his dignity and self respect. But Anna ji and his generals' chief concern seems to be only the Prime Minister and the higher judiciary. As if the "New Lok Pal Bill" has no relevance without bringing the PM and the Chief Justices in its ambit. Is it a power game or is the reason elsewhere? Will they be as hot about it as they are, if there was no media around especially the electronic media; if there were no endless chat shows to appear on or sound bytes to give?

Also sirs, what really do we mean by being 'democratic'? Do I become truly democratic if I simply proclaim so or am able to solicit sms endorsements to that effect; and even superior to the other citizen who may have been elected by the active and legitimate election process? How can I over rule him or disregard him, just because I am sitting on a fast and he is not? And how can I brazenly defy the tenets of my constitution which has given me the fundamental right at the first place to say what I like, where I like and how I like as long as I do not hurt anybody's sentiments or call them names. And, respected Anna ji? I think he genuinely believes that 'constitution gaya tel lene', he can call PM the thief, 'sarkar' the thief; anybody the thief.

What is overtly simplistic if not outright deceitful, more like the volley of promises made by a vote seeking politician, is to make wild pronouncements, that everything would be alright once the "New Lok Pal Bill" is passed. He seems to be completely oblivious to the oppressive realities of the systemic processes. His arrogance on the issue is as naive as it is dangerous. I think he had been reading 'nanee's stories' too much. 

Respected Anna ji, you are absolutely off the mark sir. Yes it has to be a 'new battle for independence'. But it has to be fought on the hearts of the billions of our countrymen. We all have to clean ourselves from within. We all have to declare our assets in public and take oath that neither we shall take bribe or give bribe in future, ever. That calls for a 'real' revolution of the kind which happens in the small villages and towns and narrow alleys of every city of India; which certainly doesn't happen only in front of the newspaper and television cameras. Anna ji you are a sad and futile man, because that's what you are not doing. I think the flash bulbs have bedazzled you excessively.

Forgive me Anna ji, but I am only a deseemoron. But sir, I also aspire for my country.